bandandit: April 2007

Thursday, April 05, 2007

I just found my goldfish...

November 18, 2006

dead on the floor. I don't know how he got there. I don't know when it happened. All I know is that I he didn't come up for food when I sprinkled fish flakes in his bowl tonight. He wasn't even in the bowl, he was on the floor, dried up and dressed in cat fur. I had done such a good job barricading him from Aalar, but he'd been jumpy lately. He must have leaped out? Aalar still looks for him. I don't have the heart to tell him why he's gone for good. Hmmm. It was a good run though. Goodbye Spazzy the Rainbow Chaser.

(Comments:)

well that's just sad
Posted by kim on Saturday, November 18, 2006 at 9:20 AM
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buy a new one
Posted by stump on Saturday, November 18, 2006 at 10:23 AM
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aww, that's how my goldfish died years ago. his name was otto - named after the book 'otto, a fish out of water' - go figure. apparently he needed to explore the world beyond his little tank. so i found him dried up and stuck to the kitchen counter. the first time. he came back to life when i put him back in water, but he swam with a limp on the side that stuck to the counter. however, his second attempt was slightly more dramatic and... poor otto didn't make it.
Posted by tanya on Saturday, November 18, 2006 at 5:30 PM
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Ohhh, I'm really sorry. I wonder if that's a common occurence, fish jumping out of their bowls. Maybe he was chasing a rainbow?
Posted by Lolly on Sunday, November 19, 2006 at 7:58 PM
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damn. on the upside, at least you don't have a kid who flushed it down the drain because he wanted it to go home like in finding nemo. this phenomenon was reported to roto rooter a lot. no joke.

be good, spazzy.

(bag was at trinity, by the way.)
Posted by robert on Monday, November 20, 2006 at 1:17 PM
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oh my brian...i just read this...i didn't even know u had a goldfish but for some reason i was thinking u were talking about goldfish crackers. then when i read it was dead on the floor i coulnd't believe my eyes. im sorry even though what u wrote was kinda funny and made me laugh.... :( sorry.
Posted by Starlet on Tuesday, December 12, 2006 at 9:31 PM
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They finally nabbed me

September 26, 2006

I was finally nabbed today by the East Providence police department for my expired inspection sticker. Yes. Yes. At least they are on the ball in one respect. The sticker was expired for almost exactly one year and one month. Ha. Thought I'd try to see how far I could stretch the dollar on that one...and let me tell you, I stretched it pretty far. Dude pulled me over originally for what I'm sure was speeding (40 in a 25 mile an hour zone) down Roger Williams Avenue. But only cited me for the sticker and one top brake light out. No fine. I just have to have it inspected within 5 days. Goes to show that being a nice white boy who wears slacks and a dress shirt pays off.

Now let's just see how much it's going to cost once they tell me all the things I'm going to have to repair before I can even get a new sticker. You have to wonder why I waited so long to have the inspection done in the first place.

random thoughts

September 6, 2006

sometimes the answers we seek are so small that only a magnifying glass will help us from not letting them go unnoticed, and sometimes they are so large that we must step away in order to fully understand them. i'm not sure which is more difficult, but i find some peace in realizing, regardless to whether or not they can be see in either case, that the answers are still there. and i believe in due time, having made choices both neutrally good and bad to help us along the way, we might be lucky enough to find ourselves standing at just the right distance to finally see those answers. the hardest part is not fucking it up before we get the chance.

beer and music

August 28, 2006

okay. my ears are bleeding. but it's okay. fancy fest was pretty fucking awesome this weekend. i feel like a lot of shows in this city are much about the scene in which they create, which is fucking fun in itself but this fest was really awesome more so because of the actual bands themselves. providence really has some great musical talent, and although not having really lived in any other city where music has really been as accessible, I have to say that i'm really happy to be a part of such an awesome group of people. seriously. i dragged my hungover self out of the house today at 2:00 to see txoka txoka play at the fest, at 2:00 in the fucking afternoon (not that i wouldn't support my awesome friends regardless) and i was actually stunned to see how many other people has also dragged their hungover bodies down to show their support as well. And by the way, speaking of txoka txoka, if you've never seen them before you must because i am becoming more and more impressed with them ever time i see them and they seriously kick some ass - so go! Anyway... it's important to have this (or any) music such at your fingertips. I was never brought up listening to much music, and it's amazing how it translates into an emotion that if you allow yourself to absorb can really help with well being.

and this brings me to something that's personal to me, and because i've had a few and yet can actually for once verbalize my thoughts in a rather clear manner, i have to say that this (and other) music has really been helping me with my rather shaky mental state. i don't know exactly what it is, but either their is something in the air creating some strange feeling within, or if it's that i'm actually beginning to lose my mind - but i've been really feeling quite unsettled as of the past couple of months. And it's only been getting worse. things are changing, i am changing, and i feel it and it's been really tough. my mind is totally filled with confusion and self doubt. and even trying to talk about it, the only real explanation i can remotely come up with is feelings of anxiety and manic behavior. and to put it all out there, i don;t know what i'm doing with myself anymore and i don't know what the fuck i want for myself. it's almost as if i look at and see so many wonderful people making changed and moving on and getting older and making choices and here i am at a halt not sure what to do. and truthfully this is not a feeling i haven't had before, but it's intensified leaving me completely tense and ridden with some weird feeling of worry. mid life crisis, perhaps? i don't know and i don't mean to drone about my personal issues (i've never been too good with that), but it's something that i need to address. and so long story short, i apologize to anyone who might get themselves caught in the crossroads. i try to live my life by a fairly specific code and i'm afraid of coloring outside the lines, and i surely don't mean to. maybe i worry to much. maybe that's the point.

so, yeah...i feel rather relaxed at this very moment in time, much clearer than i've felt in quite some time. and i attribute much of that to allowing the immersion of music as a form of meditation. i also attribute that to beer. coming to terms that i'm probably an alcoholic by many medical standards (or so i hear) is something quite interesting to think about, but fortunately that's probably the least of my worries at this point. and so with that,

goodnight.

(Comments:)

Man, you are a trooper. I couldn't do anything yesterday. And you do worry too much. You are living in the moment, enjoying life. That's a good thing.
Posted by Lolly on Monday, August 28, 2006 at 7:07 AM
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brian, i feel you on all counts. (and you know that, since i vent my emotions to you on a pretty regular basis.) so many people we know are torn between comfort and change, stagnation and flux, order and chaos. and none of the degrees between seems more or less attractive, or even okay, than all the others. so we live for the moment, and then the moment becomes tomorrow's moment, and so on. where am i going with this? i don't know, except to say that i live down the street from you now, and you should come over for a beer soon, and we can celebrate our clinical alcoholism.
Posted by robert on Monday, August 28, 2006 at 10:52 AM
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Brian, I have talked to so many people lately, including myself, that are having very similar issues and worries. Not to discredit yours, but try not to be so hard on yourself. I think the fact that you are having these feelings says a lot. All these worries are happening for a reason, maybe you are getting ready to grow. It's a slow process, growing up, and painful, apparently. The people around you making moves towards more productive things should give you some motivation, every little bit counts. You do have a lot going for you, you are a wonderful person and every one I know loves you madly. xo
Posted by Jade on Tuesday, August 29, 2006 at 3:08 PM
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Personally I think it's ok to feel anxiety about this stuff. It's natural. But in my opinion, the next thing to do is to realize you are worrying, and let that worry go, and just be ok with not really doing anything right now. Eventually something will come to you, some direction or motivation to do something specific with yourself, and then you have a challenge - getting that thing done. For now, just be cool with yourself, deal with what has happened over the last year, or more.
Posted by stump on Wednesday, August 30, 2006 at 5:44 PM
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MVP

August 21, 2006

Okay, so this is what's going on with me.

As a few of you already know, I've recently, over the past couple of months, been suffering from mild anxiety. Moments of heightened body pains, followed by the classic symptoms. What I haven't really mentioned too much are the pains usually associated with this anxiety. Muscle tension, sharp pains in my head and chest, heart palpitations and shortness of breath. Honestly it's been freaking me out a lot more than I've been letting on. And luckily most of the time I'm fine and feel totally normal. But more often than not it triggers rather randomly with no apparent cause for onset, usually at work. And I've had anxiety before, which I know I can deal with quite fine. I'm a pretty rational person. But this has been different. It's been the pains in my chest and the inability to take deep breaths that have been causing most of my discomfort. Discomfort that has become more consistent with and without the anxiety.

So, with that said, today I decided to finally take advantage of my health insurance and went to the doctor. I haven't been to a doctor in probably close to five years; five years in which time my body has been abused more severely than I'd care to think about. Anyway I told the doctor of my anxiety, the pains and discomfort. We talked about my lifestyle, the drinking and smoking. He told me that my lifestyle is killing me...or will be over time, but didn't seem surprised or overly worried about that being a problem right now. So I guess I can rule out emphysema for another couple of years.

After talking to me for 15 minutes about quitting smoking, he finally offered me some options for anti anxiety medication, which I declined. He examined me: blood pressure normal, reflexes normal, slightly irregular heartbeat, eyes fine, ears fine...wait...hmmm, back to the heart...slight heart murmur.

Come to learn, the doc heard an irregularity in my heartbeat which, combined with the symptoms I'm been having, sounds very similar to a heart condition called Mitral Valve Prolapse (MVP).

A little bit about MVP (I'm stealing this from a article in some medial journal posted on webmd). Mitral valve prolapse (MVP) is a heart condition in which the size of the mitral valve -- which separates the top part of the heart (atrium) from the bottom half (ventricle) -- is slightly bigger than normal. The problem occurs when the ventricle contracts and the mitral valve 'prolapses,' or bulges back, into the atrium, causing some leakage of blood backward into the atrium instead of forward into the rest of the body. Unless the leakage is significant it's usually nothing to worry about.

Some people with MVP tell their doctors that they have shortness of breath, chest pain, or heart palpitations. These are not proven symptoms of mitral valve prolapse. Many experts believe that such symptoms may be related to anxiety that people feel after being told they have a heart valve problem or that the symptoms may be caused by another heart condition.

Certain body features are associated with MVP. These include:

Low body weight.
Low blood pressure.
Flat rib cage.
Straight back.
Loose joints.
Long arms, fingers, and toes.
MVP is fairly common, affecting about 2% the population. In 98% the cases, MVP is not life-threatening.

Sounds pretty convincing to me, so.... I'll be going back tomorrow to get an echo-cardiogram to see for sure. Frankly it doesn't sound too bad, and though I am still a little worried of what they might find, I'm a little relieved to know that: 1. I'm not losing my mind, and I don't need to seek psychological treatment. 2. I actually have a plausible solid answer to the way I've been feeling. Now I can rationalize it, which definitely helps with some peace of mind.

So that's about it, more or less. I just needed to talk about it, and thanks for listening.

Thursday, June 29th.

July 1, 2006

Thursday, June 29th

10am.

I get the feeling something crazy is going to happen today.

Birthday. Work. Busy, busy, busy. Trying to take Friday off. Need to complete shit load of work to take Friday off before long holiday weekend. Running around with my head cut off. Tired as shit from the drunken night before.

12:04pm.

Lunch consisted of leftover Mexican food from two nights ago. Had to stop home to retrieve it from my otherwise bare fridge. Wondering if I was early enough to happen upon strange cryptic gift Moira was going to leave in my apartment. Nothing there. Leave. Back to work.

Running around. Completing tasks. Driving, stopping, driving with the windows down because it's humid as a motherfucker. Something's going to happen today, I can feel it, the air is strangling me. Stop at building on Blackstone Boulevard. Get out of car, grab shit on passenger side door, head up to 3rd floor apartment. Windows open, car unlocked. Exhausted.

15 minutes later, leave apartment. Walk outside, look for car, not there. Feel for keys, not there. Look for car not there. Feel for keys, still not there. Fuck. Call police, need licence plate or VIN number. Huh? Call AAA for numbers. No luck. Call insurance company for numbers, retrieve VIN. Call police. File report. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK. Call work. Call friends. Look for cigarettes. Realize they're in my car. DAMN. Wait for cop. Talk to cop. Answer questions from cop about rent prices in building. What!? Walk back to office, can't focus. Thinking about all the things in car: CDs, book, pillow, keys, wiffle ball bat, souvenir spoon from Block Island given to me three years ago, keys...keys? ....Shit. Wonder how I'll be able to get in my apartment? Remember I left Moira spare set to leave strange cryptic gift in my apartment. Phew. Worry about that later.

5:30pm.

Finish tasks, work, done. Sign a witness statement. Tired. Walk to Runce to meet Kim and Mike. Going to dinner. Thinking about having to say goodbye. Thinking about going to AS220 at 9pm. Thinking about taking a nap at home before going to AS220 at 9pm.

Kim gives me card she forgets to write in. Waitress serves a dish of flaming cheese at the restaurant. Mike drives to Hudson street. Drops Kim off so she and Dave can get to his brothers birthday party. What? Okay. They say their goodbyes. Thinking about having to say goodbye there and then and walking home. Mike needs to use my bathroom. You can't wait till you get home? Says he can try to help me get in my apartment. Okay. Building door left open. Walk upstairs. Look for key under magazines where I left it for Moira. Not there. Shit. Don't try to open door. Think to call Moira to see if she still has the key. Mike knocks on the door. Are you expecting my butler to open the door!?! Phone is ringing. Hear lock inside apartment click. What? Is the dude who stole my car looting my apartment? Is Moira in there? Is this whole thing a big birthday prank? Is it a surprise? Too many thoughts. Tired. Confused. The door begins to open. A little freaked. Back up and get into ninja stance. Be prepared to throw down if necessary. Door opens. Pushed into apartment. People, shouting, water being squirted in my face and eyes. Ushered into kitchen. Say something about my car being in there? A cake burning. Noise, people. Singing? Finally beginning to compose myself, realize what the hell is going on.

Eat cake, drink beer. See streamers and balloons. Sandra did my dishes. Bed is unmade. Beer in my (now) otherwise completely empty fridge. No embarrassing S M shit hanging on the walls of my apartment. That's good. (C'mon Rob, what do you take me for?)

AS220. More people, more drinking, more cake. Is that Fudgie the Whale?! Cacti, plastic whales, beer, heatfelt cards. Overwhelmed but drunk and happy.

After party. (This I leave to your imagination, knowing the kind of people we are I'm sure you can pretty much figure it out). Act like idiots, but have fun doing it.

All the clues and lies come out, putting pieces of the puzzle together, things are beginning to make sense....but still, I wonder, where the fuck is my car!?!

Regardless. Awesome time, the best of friends. Missed those who could not be there. Thanks Rob and Sandra. Thanks Mike and Kim. Thanks to everyone who played a role and came out to help me celebrate. I love you all.

What occured.

(Comments:)
dood u rock you have the lightest spirit of all of my friends, hands down. take that as an amazing complement. we are the world, make it a better place.

oh, and i know about how you got naked and acted a fool. i think the whole city knows by now.
Posted by stump on Saturday, July 01, 2006 at 3:03 AM
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sweet... i knew i wasn't the only one who gets naked and acts a fool. thanks bry.

you get a kudo for it!
Posted by Mike Sperduti and the Invisible on Friday, July 21, 2006 at 2:06 PM
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well said, man. well said.

what the fuck occured.

(oh, tell me what cds are gone. maybe i can burn some replacements.)
Posted by robert on Saturday, July 01, 2006 at 7:51 AM
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WHA the fuck occurrrrd

naked naked naked PARTY

tack on some drunken-ass-diving-board-cracking poolparty antics, a g&t fueled beach trip capped off by scrabble and a night at the hot club and an idea of the first HALF of 4th weekend 06 shall occur.

but the question remains... By who power?
Posted by MajorStars on Monday, July 03, 2006 at 1:37 AM
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!?what!?

May 21, 2006

I think I'm back.

At least for the time being....we'll see.

Reflection, thought, clarity, need. It's some crazy shit and I can't pretend to understand it in the least. But the birds are chirping outside my window right now and I'm really liking the sound they are making. Things are never easy but at least they are things that are there. Something has happened in the last year. I can't explain it, but it's there. It was there. And now it's in the back of my head and I can't seem to remove it. I don't know if I want to remove it. I'm sure sometime down the line I'd like to forget and move on to the next stop, see where the bus is headed, which I am still very curious about, but right now, despite the craziness I'm feelings and the curveballs life seems to throw when you decide to care even the slightest, I realize the birds are still chirping and that's somehow all I really need to know. I think.

The <---Backspace button on my keyboard is broken, I think, fuck.

Exhaust Vent (when words finally escape)

April 27, 2006

This is at least the fifth time in the past few days that I've opened this blog page to write something and stared blankly not being able to form the words that I've been trying to let escape. This time I think the words are ready to resemble something of a complete thought.

I think I need excitement. I think I need adventure. Something. Something to break this mundane feeling I've been having the past couple of weeks. I've been spending a lot of the evenings lately tired and flat, not feeling at all like going out and allowing my eyes to shut for the night by 11pm. It's not as if I'm unhappy in the least. Many would probably agree that miraculously I really don't know how to feel the negativity that constantly surrounds us in this world. So it's not that, it's just something else.

The summer is approaching quicker than I had ever expected it to, and you'd think that I'd be energized and excited by the long days and the warmth of the sun. But somehow I am not. And although I cannot deny that I appreciate the weather, I really can't say I'm ecstatic about it either. I was looking back the other day, to one year ago on Erik's birthday, and I remember where I was with myself and how I felt, and it was certainly a place unknown to almost everything that is now. I was in a place alone and independent just coming out of one of the worst winter stagnations I can remember. Yet somehow I was strangely at peace with myself, looking forward (perhaps preparing myself) for one of the best summers of my life. I suppose in comparison, I do not feel that preparation. I know the future has a lot of great things to offer, as did the recent winter passed, but I'm not totally convinced that I'm ready for it this time around. Be it whether I feel very secure in most of my relationships with my friends where the excitement of getting to know someone is something of the past, or I'm just not ready to undertake the lifestyle the summer usually brings, I don't know. There's also a part of me that minutely feels unsatisfied with failed aspirations and relationships, causing me to second guess my time here, but then again, I've come so far as a person that I shouldn't complain. It's all so murky, like if I'm constantly looking out at the world though foggy glasses.

But what I do know is that I'm very fortunate and happy to be surrounded by so many caring and awesome people, people who I have no doubt will unintentionally bring me out of this little funk. I suppose, in retrospect, I was correct before by saying that I'm not ready for the summer yet. And now I may understand why. Being so secure, for the first time since I've lived here, with the people in this town and my place within it all, it might be that I'm wary of what this summer is to bring. Almost like this time around, the summer may either 'make it' or 'break it' for me in many different ways, personally, financially and geographically.

I think I'm scared of coming to the point where that decision must be made.

My Addiction

March 17, 2006

Crack. C.R.A.C.K. Crack.

I don't know if anyone knows this but I am addicted. I can't help myself. Like any drug, when used improperly, the substance can be harmful if not fatal. But the addiction allows you to justify the usage regardless of how damaging it can be. However, not all addictions are necessarily harmful. There are those certain drugs, especially ones used for medicinal purposes, that are healthy, wonderful and bring true happiness.

So I'm not exactly sure if my crack usage is medicinal, but I am sure that it's good medicine. And sometimes that is all you need to know to continue getting high.

Saturday Sermon

February 25, 2006

It's awfully difficult to separate what you think is right and what you feel is right, especially when it comes to something you care very deeply about. And regardless of which angle it's looked at, every honest human being, after careful consideration of every possible factor, should know the difference between the two and act based upon what is actually right. The only problem with that is sometimes there really is no right answer. And if there were, many of the world's serious problems would be solved. Many of life's illusive conflicts could be easily put to rest if all we had to do was get together and find that one answer. We know it's there and we know it's right, so once it's found we would have no other option but to agree that that's the way it is. No hard feelings, no sadness, no anger...just understanding and joy that everything is the way it should be. But that's never going to happen because humans are constantly conflicted, not only with situations involving other people, but conflicted within themselves in what they feel or think is right. And those people who think they know what's right are probably the most conflicted, for how can you absolutely know something that has no evident answer? But really it's all subjective based on what's deemed most important. And with that I, for one, am happy to believe that I have made the right choices in this life because I value the importance of the outcome. But then again, do I really have much choice?

Cause and Effect

February 14, 2006

I met with this man yesterday, a 34 year old disabled vet, who was looking to rent an apartment. Although I knew he was disabled after having talked with him on the phone, I was unaware of what his disability was until I met him. He looked like a nice man, not your typical war hero adorned with shiny medals, but a Harley Davidson biker dude with a choppy beard, one inch ear plugs and tattoos canvassing the length of his forearm. As he began to stand up from the steps he was sitting on, with the help of a cane, I noticed his legs trembling. A gunshot, shrapnel, I thought. I introduced myself and he slowly followed me to the building door, into the vestibule and to the apartment door. While I was fishing for the correct key to let us in, he started to lose balance towards me and began to fall. I reached around to grab his arm from behind to help him stabilize, which I did successfully, when suddenly I thought of something that hadn't even occurred to me before. A simple thought really, but one too often overlooked and under appreciated:

This man is disabled. This 34 year old man will never be able to walk again without assistance. He will never be able do the things that I take for granted: running, swimming, hiking, sledding... walking more than two steps without fear of falling down... having the humility to continuously allow strangers help him back up.

So I helped him into the apartment and he took a look around. He seemed very excited about the prospect of living there and kept telling me how small his current apartment is in comparison. After helping him complete the application and chatting a bit, I worked up the nerve to ask what had happened. To make a long story short, he had been in the air force in Iraq. Twice. Once in the Gulf War and again during this war. According to him, in that time of serving, he frequently worked with and around chemical weapons (among other hazardous materials, I assume) and was exposed to some pretty bad shit. After a while he started feeling sick and weak and left for medical reasons. Sometime later (perhaps a year or so) he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. And so there it is, another human life crushed by the stupidity of others.

But what was weird about this whole encounter was something he said after telling me about his MS. And I'm not exactly sure if it's something that gives me hope for him (for humanity as a whole) or if it's something that frightens the snot out of me. He said, and I'm paraphrasing, "...and even knowing that this would be the result of my time there, I'd do it anyway."

I thought about that for a bit, trying to make sense of his reasoning for saying something like that. And I believe him, I truly do, but it's so insane to me. And I wonder, what did he possibly accomplish to justify his disability at 34 years old? Is anything being accomplished? Can there be any justification for the thousands of lives lost? There has to be, right? Right?

Postscript
I have finished running his application for the apartment and submitted it to my manager. And strictly from an American business standpoint, it seems as though he'll probably be declined due to lack of payments on his credit cards and student loans. Huh.

god is great...god will punish them

February 13, 2006

preface:
The idea of writing politically and socially based blogs has been growing on me since i've started the habit of reading the New York Times online every morning these past few months. And since i haven't been able to locate my "creative mojo," lesser known as "crojo," i think i'm going to stick with posting them.

Not that i really need to say this, as i know it is something anyone reading this blog is already well aware of, but it's quite amazing to read about all the total crap that's going on in the world. Not just that, which is bad enough as it is, but for me, i can't seem to wrap my head around the number of fucking idiots there are (seriously, the number laid out in a size 12 font would literally be able to wrap around the circumference of my head) involved with all the fucked crap going on in this world.

Here's a prime example:

Back in December of 2002, two Afghan men were "found dead within days of each other, hanging by their shackled wrists in isolation cells" at an American prison in Bagram, Afghanistan. According to the coroner who examined them, their injuries were compared to being "run over by a bus." Without getting into tell this entire story, which can be found at the New York Times website, there were only 15 out of 27 american soldiers and officers of who, recommended to be criminally charged, were actually prosecuted for the mistreatment of the prisoners which ultimately led to their death.

And using the word mistreatment is actually somewhat kind. These afghan men, one of which who had been innocent of the crimes he was arrested for, were hung buy shackles, sleep deprived, beaten and god knows what else. And for what? One soldier admitted that some of the men did it because "they were amused to hear him cry out, Allah!" Amusing isn't it? To hear someone from a different country yell out to their god in pain and agony? As for the others, well, they did it because, "although the administration issued a general order that detainees should be treated humanely, internal military files on the case show that officers and soldiers at Bagram differed over what specific guidelines, if any, applied." A general order that detainees be treated as human. Outstanding.

And the worst of is that these 15 men and women who were charged for this crime didn't receive much more that a slap on the wrist. Actually most of them were demoted a rank and simply discharged honorably. I don't get it. I really don't. The whole thing baffles me. Have humans always acted this way towards others? When are people going to wake up and realize their delusions?

The sad thing in this whole story, which is quite massive that i didn't even begin to touch it all, goes beyond the political story and hits with the simple thought of life and death. Too many people take it for granted. I often do too, especially when it comes to myself. But what happens when you lose all moral concept of the lives of people you're 'not supposed to like'? When all you see are tags such as 'evil' and 'terrorist', that you fail to remember that everybody serves one universal cause; the pursuit to live and be happy. I may not understand a religion and i may not understand a middle eastern culture. i may not like what comes of the clash between my world and theirs, but that doesn't mean i hate them. They are people just the same as you or I, here on this planet to live.

And with that i leave this blog with a quote from the brother of one of the detainees, after he was killed: "We do not think that people should be in prison. My brother is dead. If they arrest 10,000 Americans, what good will that do me? I am angry with them, but this was the will of God. God is great, and God will punish them."

Although i don't understand it, i sympathize very strongly because that is his belief.

(Comment:)
"Their" god...it's the same god that we're assuming is worshipped by the American soldiers. That's what I could never understand about this sort of hatred --- it's all just ignorance, really.

Brian, I think your recent blogs are creative! Keep them coming!

(Comment:)
This is good. Here's one crazy aspect of the situation that you didn't mention - articles like this are on the THE FRONT PAGE OF THE PAPER pretty much every day. Go out on the street or walk into your job and tell someone this story and they will be shocked, as if they've never heard it before, but then put things back in context, tell them it's afgani torture victims being held by US military, and their eyes will glaze over, and they'll just turn around and walk away. This information is all out there, clear as fucking night for everyone to see, but we're still stuck in turmoil over getting some commom theme for the Democratic party to move behind in the next election. Hey here's a theme for you - the world is dying! Everything that's being done right now is wrong - do something new! Stop killing and raping. Or maybe the leaders will all shoot each other out in a field and then we can take over.

(Reply:)
or maybe the world should just blow up (or at least the majority of it) so that our kin (or what's left of them) might have a chance of the peace and happiness we're striving for. but then again, with our luck, only the leaders would probably survive.

los angeles skyscraper

February 9, 2006

Okay, so this is a little more productive. Below is an article from the new york times published a few hours ago. it is an official Washington release pertaining to the "foiled terrorist plot" on a Los Angeles skyscraper just a month after the 911 attacks.

Reading this article left me a little more than slightly suspicious of the validity of this event. Doesn't it seem unlikely that the white house would wait this long before releasing such information? Doesn't it seem slightly odd that it is being released in a time that bushy-wushy has the least support at the polls, and there's been so much scrutiny on the surveillance programs? having this article suddenly pop out of nowhere almost seems too convenient for the president to justify his actions. on the war in iraq. on counter-terrorism. on the patriot act. on improving his own image. on so many different issues.

maybe i think this because i don't want to believe it. maybe i think this because i don't trust the government. but mainly i think this because too many people believe it simply because the article is from "the government" and printed (in the ny times, no less). and even if it is true, wouldn't it be nice to hear more people question it? or at least realize that maybe not everything you believe is actually true. wow...can you think of the possibilies for peace if that one caught on?!!!

anyway, give a read if you haven't already.

By DAVID STOUT
Published: February 9, 2006
WASHINGTON, Feb. 9 President Bush defended his anti-terrorist policies anew today, asserting that the United States and its allies had foiled a terrorist plot meant to bring down a Los Angeles building that is the tallest in the United States west of the Mississippi River.

Skip to next paragraph

Mark Wilson/Getty Images
President Bush spoke today at the National Guard Memorial Building in Washington, D.C.

Kim D. Johnson/Associated Press
The U.S. Bank Tower in downtown Los Angeles.
Mr. Bush said that just a month after the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, terrorists planned to hijack another airplane by using "shoe bombs" to breach the cockpit door. Their target, had the hijacking been carried out, would have been the U.S. Bank Tower, the president said. (Government counterterrorism officials have acknowledged before that the tower would be a particularly inviting target.)

Osama bin Laden himself was involved in the plot, which was to be carried out by Southeast Asian men on the assumption that they would not arouse as much suspicion as Middle Easterners, Mr. Bush told the National Guard Association here. "Their plot was derailed in early 2002, when a Southeast Asian nation arrested a key Al Qaeda operative," he said. "Subsequent debriefings and other intelligence operations made clear the intended target and how Al Qaeda hoped to execute it."

"This critical intelligence helped other allies capture the ringleaders and other known operatives who had been recruited for this plot," Mr. Bush said.

The U.S. Bank Tower, formerly named the Library Tower after the nearby Los Angeles Central Library, is 1,018 feet tall and topped by a glass crown that is illuminated at night. The building, completed in 1989, was "destroyed" by alien invaders in the 1996 movie "Independence Day."

The independent commission that investigated the Sept. 11 attacks said in its 2004 report that Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, the architect of the 9/11 assaults on New York City and Washington, had originally envisioned an even broader assault on America, with as many as 10 hijacked aircraft flying into buildings on both coasts.

And last October, government counterterrorism officials provided further details, saying that Mr. Mohammed and a terrorist ally, Riduan Isamuddin (better known as Hambali), had planned a new spate of attacks after Sept. 11 and that Los Angeles was in their sights.

Counterterrorism officials said months ago that the Los Angeles skyscraper (Mr. Bush mistakenly called it the "Liberty Tower") would be a logical target for a West Coast attack, although Mr. Bush had not spoken in detail before about the officials' suspicions. Given the building's iconic status, it is easy to see why America-haters would rejoice at seeing it fall as some rejoiced when the Twin Towers in New York collapsed.

The president's national security adviser, Frances Townsend, told reporters later today that the West Coast plot was originally to have been part of the Sept. 11 attacks, but that Al Qaeda could not train enough agents by that deadline. She said investigators did not known what flight or kind of plane the plotters were zeroing in on or even if their planning had reached that stage.

Ms. Townsend, who spoke to reporters on a conference call, declined to say whether the secret surveillance of electronic communications between people in the United States and terror suspects abroad had played a role in finding the terror cell involved. "We use all available sources and methods in the intelligence community, but we have to protect them, and so I'm not going to talk about what we did or did not use in this particular case," she said.

The president did not use the National Guard speech to defend the surveillance program undertaken by the National Security Agency since he took office. But he did defend his general anti-terrorist policies in several ways.

He said, for example, that his "aggressive strategy of bringing the war to the terrorists" had not cost the United States international support but, rather, had enhanced America's standing. A shining example is Pakistan, he said.

"A little over four years ago, Pakistan was only one of three countries in the world that recognized the Taliban regime in Afghanistan," Mr. Bush said. "Today, Pakistan forces are risking their lives in the hunt for Al Qaeda."

Perhaps reaching out to Muslim countries whose people have been infuriated by Western cartoons poking fun at the prophet Muhammad, Mr. Bush praised President Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan for remaining a United States ally despite threats on his life.

"President Musharraf is right," Mr. Bush said. "In the war against terror, there is no separate peace; and no nation can stand on the sidelines."

Shortly after the 9/11 attacks, Mr. Bush said other countries had to choose "You're either for us or against us." Today, he said the United States' aggressive pursuit of terrorists had made that choice clearer than ever. "We're clarifying the choice facing every nation in this struggle between freedom and terror," he said. "Every nation has responsibilities, and no one can remain neutral."

vampires and clown-dogs

February 6, 2006

do you ever wake up in the morning and feel like something isn't quite right? and no matter how physically well you feel, or how awake and ready you are to start the day, you just can't shake the feeling? i don't even really know what the feeling is, but i woke up with it this morning. i usually have a pretty hard time waking up for work monday mornings, but today my eyes peeled open even before my alarm sounded. and i think i should have been hungover, but i wasn't - not in the least, i actually feel pretty darn good. except for this feeling, it's weighing me down like a cinder-block in the woonasquatucket. my spirits are low, my muscles are tense, my thoughts are whirling, and yet i'm unusually calm and fairly collected. i'm ready to face the day in an escape from having to face my dreams.

that's it...my dreams. i've been remembering more of my dreams recently, which is strange for me. and now that i think about it, my dreams have been, the ones that i am remembering anyway, more or less all the same, but unfolding in some weird chronological puzzle. and with each dream, though similarly themed, a new piece of the puzzle is revealed but with a different immediate outcome. an outcome that scares me for i know not how it will effect the rest of the dream because there's never any real long term resolve. but then again perhaps i'm more afraid of the resolution, which i know is bound to come. and it could be good. but it could be bad. i'm not sure what's worse. i guess i'll just have to dream and find out.

damn! vampires and clown-dogs are scary. thank god i don't have to deal with any of this crap in real life.

the mail

February 1, 2006

i'm generally rather reluctant to check my mailbox because all i ever get are bills, bills, fucking bills...and high interest credit card applications. but knowing that i hadn't checked it in a few days i knew emptying it was due. plus, it's bill payment week, so i got to start getting on that shit. anyhoo, to my delight i found, waiting for me, two of the greatest things i've ever been shipped (besides the free carton of american spirits i once ordered).

the first item was the most noticeable in its cardboard packaging, a free full-sized gillette fusion razor. and was still in its original packaging. can you believe that? i really don't know what i did to deserve such a wonderful free gift, or what mailing list i've gotten myself on, but whatever i did - keep on sending me the free shit!

okay on to the second item, which took me a little longer to realize what a gem i was holding until i tore open the nondescript envelope revealing a letter from god! well actually it was a letter from saint matthew's church in tulsa oklahoma, but close enough. but the object in this letter is what blew me away. the letter read, among other things, in big bold letters, "GOD'S HOLY BLESSING POWER IS IN THE ENCLOSED ANOINTED PRAYER RUG WE AER LOANING YOU TO USE!!!" yes, that is right. god sent me a magic carpet! well actually it's a 12 x 20 inch piece of paper with jesus's face printed on some oriental rug looking background. supposedly i'm to kneel on it and pray, and then send it back to the church so they can send to someone else who would do the same, so on and so forth until my prayers and everyone else's prayers grow strong enough to reach god and then we will be "blessed spiritually, physically and financially," so on and so forth. amazing.

it's really too bad that i don't have much use for either of these items. well actually, no it's not. i guess it just amazes me how funny life is sometimes. no matter how much is going on in the world, even within human beings themselves, receiving items like these seem to distract us. maybe not on purpose, but we're drawn back to this artificial world that somehow seems to live a longer life than anything else. and there's so much more to it that that, but i'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it at the moment so i'll stop right there.

so regarding these items i received in the mail today, i am quite happy to take them simply as they are: free shit i didn't ask for that will eventually find a home in the trash.

word.

vacuum

January 26, 2006

despite my complete and utter lack of energy (i feel like what once was a piece of gum stuck the bottom of a shoe, now that same piece of gum still stuck on the same shoe but having picked up some dog shit and a lipstick-stained cigarette butt.) i am trying to stay awake until at least 9pm.

i decided to actually start cleaning my apartment, and upon vacuuming the red shaggy carpet in my living room, i heard voices. strange voices sounding like they were coming from inside a giant orange construction cone, or something like that. but i realized the voices were actually coming from the vacuum. i think they were trying to talk to me... something strange is going on.

my fam in the news

January 18, 2006

It's always good to hear about my relatives.

SOUTHWEST

TEXAS: ENDANGERED WHALES FOUND FAR FROM HOME
Two endangered whales were spotted in Corpus Christi Bay, well outside their typical winter territory, the authorities said. A tanker pilot reported seeing the two Whipped Cream whales, believed to be a mother and a calf, after thinking that he might have hit one of them. Whipped Cream whales spend the winter off Georgia and Florida and in the summer in New England waters and north to the Bay of Fundy and Scotian Shelf, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration Fisheries Service. "It's an absolute mystery how they got here," said Tony Amos, a research fellow at the University of Texas Marine Science Institute in Port Aransas. (AP)

the way we roll

January 16, 2006

i feel like a mountain fell on me and broke my back into a million little shards (pun intended, n.b.b.). i am currently at work attempting to eat a sandwich with great difficulty, to which, truthfully i feel like each bite is going to make me sick. there's really nothing like waking up really hung over at seven o'clock in the morning, riding afloat a ferry in super choppy water, and having only enough time to take a shower before going to work. where, oh where, has my sensibility gone? but alas it's all in (and for) the sake of awesomeism?

well of course. so let me rephrase. i feel like an awesome mountain awesomely fell on me and broke my back into a million awesome little shards. there, that's much better.

this weekend is a complete blur to me now, but as i try to remember each event, joke, face and laugh, i am overcome with genuinely giddy recollection. and without getting too sentimental (as i've noticed too many of my blogs already contain such an overtone), this has been a good bad year. i know many of you reading this know exactly what i mean, whether you agree or not, which is obviously circumstantially evident. it's been said that this is the year of extremes, and i for one, am extremely elated with what has come from it all. and yet at the same time i am so fearful of the future. maybe i'm jaded (not to be confused with hummus horse) though i'm probably just way too over tired, but i'm fearful of the uncertainty of the future. not just my, but all of our relationships with each other and the stability upon which each is fastened. i guess simply, i'm just happy to be where i am, and don't want that to change anymore than it already has. but change will undoubtedly happen, much of which i'm sure will be favored and welcome. and some of which will not. but that's the way we roll and that's the way we'll always roll from here on out, and i have no regrets (or well, at least not many...) that will stand in the way to change that.

and so, as radiant light of a beautiful setting sun shimmers so peacefully off the horizon, i say "get your ass in here and lay down a card, he's got a jack on the mother fucking table."

and that's the way we roll.

tv from all over the world

January 10, 2006

honestly i don't know what's wrong me. i think i've been living alone too long now that american television bores me. so tonight i've actually been watching television stations from all over the world. yes...that's right. and i know it's hard to believe, but it's simply amazing how similar their programming is to ours, and even just as terrible.

to begin my journey i joined in on a french news station already in progress. the news anchor was a pretty french woman who barely moved her lips as she spoke. they cut to a "on the scene" report and showed clips of cars on the highway and in traffic. i think the report was about speeders because they showed a lot of traffic cams. yes i know! it's hard to believe france has traffic cams too.

the next station i tuned into was from somewhere in malta. it was a cooking show but there wasn't any sound. the chef was a very tall man wearing one of those tall white chef hats (whatever they're called). it looked they were sauteing soggy vegetables and coins in blood. i could be wrong.

i had wondered what was going on in iraq so when i tuned into my next station, i was pleased to find what seemed to be a newscaster making fun of george bush. no joke! i was relieved to see something different on tv for a change.

at this point i started missing the united states and decided to check out some good ol' american tv, when i stumbled across the all nasa network. fucking creepy shit! my eyes kept staring at this quick changing blurred image of what looked like an alien shadow on the moon. i'm really not sure what the hell i was looking at and it creeped me out so i turned it off.

the next station i found was one being broadcast from hong kong. this was awesome! i watched a whole string of chinese commercials which included an ad for some weird chinese airline, and a "learn english now" audio kit (or at least that's what it looked like because the actor kept saying in a poor english accent, "ammmmerica" and "canaaaada." but the best commercial of all was simply an ad for condoms. although i can't understand a bit of the language, i do know what a box of condoms look like.

next was an old documentary about frank lloyd wright on some puerto rican station. this was in english and boring as fucking hell.

which brings me to the programming i've left running in the background as i type this. it is some really wacky 70's movie from turkey. nothing more to say about this one except there's a lot of creepy piano music, and it sounds like they're having sex a lot. but they're not. i guess people in turkey often breathe really heavily because when i switch back they are just standing around talking to one another. strange.

hi, how are you?

January 7, 2006

1:35am.

While smoking a bedtime cigarette out my living room window just now, I saw one of the most utterly depressing things in recent times. There's this man, homeless, who wanders up-and-down the streets of the west side (in particular the armory) and pulls around a large shopping cart tied around his waste overflowing with cans, bottles, useful garbage etc. It's not as if I've never seen him before, but tonight as I was sitting in my toasty warm apartment, surrounded by all my luxuries and unnecessary amenities, I watched as he lugged his cart from trash pile to trash pile collecting items that we ("upper society") have discarded. I know the thought is trite, but I did not feel pity for this man. As I watched this man, who wore plastic gloves and had one of those light hats, I became overwhelmed with guilt, and yet more powerfully, I was overcome with respect. While digging in one trash can ever so neatly, replacing trash he pulled out right back in the can, a car drove up and parked. The man or woman in the car, I couldn't tell, did not get out because the cart man began pulling nearer. Perhaps it was fear, perhaps not. Either way the cart man continued with his business without shame, without hesitation until he was satisfied with his findings and pulled away. I found it quiet amazing and also just so very sad. I almost wanted to go downstairs and talk to him, tell him to keep his head up, console him in some way, something. But I think in a way fear had gripped me just as it did the person in the car. Why? Is this person unlike any other person? Does not this man have feelings? A voice? A desire to be seen and heard and liked as something more than just a spectacle to all who don't understand? But that's just it. We can't understand and it cripples us. As a society. As a culture. As simple breathing human beings. I hate that. I wish I had done something. Even if it were simply those four little words that have become so commonplace and meaningless in this rhetorical society, but actually really mean it; "hi, how are you?" Is it possible that those words would have meant something special to him? Maybe they would have made him feel good. Then again, maybe they'd just make me feel good - and right now I'm not sure which one makes me feel more like a hypocrite.

a day in the office

January 5, 2006

Often during a busy day at the office, I have much work that needs to be done at my desk. Usually a good amount of grueling paperwork; forms to be filled, messages to be taken, leases to be signed. And when sitting at my desk trying to complete these tasks I just need to have a good pen by my side. There's nothing worse than trying to fill out an "agent communication" with just any ordinary ball point pen.

Having said that, there's this pen I've been using recently with which I have a very good relationship. It's a Pilot G-2 with a 7mm tip, black and click retractable. There's nothing bad about this pen, in fact I've taken quite a liking to it. For the past few months it has held a very special place in the breast pocket of my jacket. In truth I don't know what I would do with out it, nor can I even see myself using any other pen. I'd much rather walk a mile to get it than use a different one. Filling out forms is easy and enjoyable, doodling is as fun as ever and I generally feel happy when I know I have it.

But there's a bit of a problem. I'm not the only in the office who likes this pen. I've seen other people with their eyes on it, and truth be told, I don't blame them nor do I have a problem with it. But what I do have a problem with, which I am to blame, is that I didn't quite acquire this pen legitemately and I think it's rightful owner might be terribly upset if she knew I had it. It's not like I stole it away from her or anything, it's just that one day I was at her desk and I saw the pen there sparkling in the sunlight and so I picked it up and used it to sign my name on a document. And the next thing I knew it had somehow ended up in my pocket, and then at my desk and then in my car... Okay, so maybe I did steal it, but it wasn't my original intent and I truthfully wanted to give it back but every time I thought about doing paperwork without it I felt a pang of sorrow. And yet I feel guilty that I've cheated my co-worker out of such an awesome pen. But then I get to thinking that it's not like this pen is actually owned by anyone, right? I mean it was put together and shipped to my office in a box. And there were other pens with it, big ones, little ones, red ones, green ones, square ones and soft ones. There were even some pens with graphics and holograms and googliheads. And with all those pens to choose from, many perfectly awesome in their own way, I had to steal the one my co-worker had already taken. I guess I'm a bad man. A very bad man, but I can't help it... oh what a life!?!?!

I wonder if she'll ever realize I have it. I suppose only time will tell.

9:37pm

January 2, 2006

9:37 pm.

After being in somewhat of a oddly remorsefully giddy mood upon returning home, i read 1) a new myspace message and 2) a new myspace comment which combined (although in no relation whatsoever) led me into this strange spiral of uncontrollable giggling and spastic laughing fit which ultimately led me into the most uncontrollable and disgusting coughing fit i've even been in my life. i started to feel like a doped up 80 year old man with emphysema. thank you...i think.

p.s. Ant - remember, it's called the tainter 2000!

ismed

January 1, 2006

it's almost 2 pm this day of January first 2006. i am awake for the second time today and feeling a little bit better than the first.

it's been a little while since i've felt like writing anything here or anywhere else, but today is different. put aside all the nonsense swimming in my head, put aside the thoughts of a recent tragedy, put aside feelings of uncertainty and discontent and put aside the feeling of my head about to explode; i feel pretty good.

i think 2006 will truly be the official beginning of positive change for many of us through the extraordinary experiences of the past, the unbelievable relationships that are and will continue to be and ultimately the awesomeism (awesomeizm) that is seemingly beginning to take effect on the lives of so many people i've come to love and rely on, many of whom helped bring in the new year, whether they know it or not.

so i say to you, regardless of the trials and difficulties that are sure to lay ahead, and regardless of the moments of doubt and insanity that face us often, this will always be and never forgotten as: awesome.

spades

December 19, 2005

lately i've been filling voids in my evening by playing internet spades, which on most new pc's can be accessed from the games folder on the start menu. it's such an entertaining card game, and actually quite a sobering activity at 2pm after getting home from the bar. anyone who enjoys card games and has an attention span should really learn to play. it's a thinking game. needs more actual skill than luck, most of the time, which makes it quite rewarding when you're doing well. anyway, i was playing just now (i lost miserably because my partner didn't know his shin from his shoulder blade), and i got to thinking how weird the internet is. it's not the first time that i've ever thought about it... actually i recently had a conversation with two ladies who's names begin with J and A, touching on our embarassing internet flings in early high school (before it actually became "the thing to do")... it's just weird how reliant our society is on this sort of communication. and i'm not just talking about cell phones with our constant "texting" and emails or even myspace for that matter. i'm talking about the strange clinging neediness the general public has for the cute :)'s, giggling lol's and hysterically retarded lmfao's. sure...sure it makes it easier to express what you're trying to say to someone you just met in a teen chat room who's same is coolfox69 or hottjane2847214, someone who probably lives four thousand miles away and enjoys lmfao for five hours a night just to feel somewhat connected to the rest of the world. it has been said that the www has provided people with a unlimited network of information and maybe we're all supposed to be smarter and more informed, which is true in many aspects for people who actually go on the internet to read the news and learn about shit like wiccan religion or the laws of gravity, but for too many people it has clotted the true nature of individuality which is seriously detrimental to our functioning society. so it's possible that kids, who totally grew up with ability to do this shit, might end up being more stupid (read: stupider) in the long run. not only because many of their human interactions with meeting people and dating are based upon text on a screen, but because they are not learning or experiencing the many things they should by actual trial and error. it's like the www is helping to open their cocoon far before they are really ready to emerge strong as they should be. the internet may be desensitizing life for kids, so much so that it may effect their entire social lives, which effects everything. i don't know. of course this is a vague generalization and i have no facts to back it up, but i've always been a strong believer that life really isn't much without having an individual face, a belief of who you are and what you stand for, and raw emotion that you can't find anywhere else but being able to take chances and learn from your experiences. i'm also a firm believer that if there was a way to rid the world of all weapons but swords, and wars were fought honorably like back in the good old days, we'd all be better off. ha! proof that technology isn't always a good thing. now we can destroy an entire country with the drop of a bomb. how honorable does that sound? wow...that was a digress. so back to spades, it's a good game. you should try it. speaking of spades, i have a gash in my hand from falling on ice the other night (to which i owe someone a debt of gratitude, hahalmfaolol:) that kind of resembles a spade. it also kind of resembles a rocket ship too. hmmmmm.

(Comment:)
Where did you fall?

It can be argued that the internet is just an extension of technology, that the ability to simulate experience is not unique to the internet. Follow the line from the internet into video games, film/TV, radio, books, even just story-telling. People are always telling me the right way to do things, and what not to do, like my parents, but I never really understand until I actually do it live in person. Nothing can prepare you for the true horror of life's experiences.

That Elliott Smith album is so awesome. I think it's his best. I listen to it like every day.

(Reply:)
you're totally right, but the difference between books, movies, video games and the internet is that the internet is actually connected to other live beings who all influence each other based on their own experiences whether they be right or wrong. with books and story-telling there is an understanding that what you are being told is like a universal account of something that has to be physically explored in order for it to make sense. with the internet, people are telling people what they should think or do, and when questioned, talk back and insist or deny. when was the last time you asked a book if it was a good idea to try heroin and it responded one way or another? you have to actually seek the experience for yourself in a natural way. as for video games, that's a completely different matter... i hate to think about how these things have completely screwed up the reality of the world for many people. but in a similar way, video games and the internet are gateways for people to live without actually living. and although it's a great feeling to live vicariously through some sort of altered universe, by the time it's realized that you must make the social transition into what's real, you've already missed out on a lot of crucial social experiences. does that make any sense or is there a bunch of bullshit coming out of my ears?

oh, and i fell on the sidewalk near lilys.

atm

December 10, 2005

shit. i lost my debit card last night somewhere between the pull-up atm on westminster and lily marleans. shit. shit. shit. i hope the person who found it is nice and returned it to the bank rather than going on a fraudulent spending spree. i'd be totally screwed if that were the case. crap. crap. crap.

two hours two outlets

December 5, 2005

i just spent the past two hours rearranging my apartment. actually just the living room, the rest of the apartment is too small to even have an option for change. i like my living room but god damn it's an awkward space. there are a good number of angles, doors and windows in all the wrong places and only two power outlets which means it's very difficult to do anything without having everything flush against the walls. i don't like that, it's too cold. so now i have my couch almost in the very center of the room crowding my computer and a long extension cord running along a long wall to the tv. i guess it seems comfortable but i think it looks pretty weird having the room divided at a weird angle. i guess you'd just have to see it, which is why it's a good thing that i never really have anyone over (which is funny because it's also set up to accomodate 7 people to sit down). ha! maybe i should start having people over for a movie night this winter. that's about all we'd be able to do. although i have entertained throwing out all my furniture and get a pool table. without anything else in this room, a pool table would fit awesomely. awesome. blossom. dawson.

did you ever watch that show...

okay, i'm just rambling.

sandpit

December 4, 2005

every year by this time i begin feeling something. it's both unsettling and exciting at the same time. i want to travel. i want to do more with my life: learn, help people, and just generally feel satisfied and proud with my existence. truthfully i am happy with everything i have done and glad to be in the place that i am, but i feel like something is missing. my idle time is time too frequent and i feel like i'm just waiting, but for what? and i could be quite happy just waiting, allowing this good life to take me to the nest step - to the next stage in life that comes naturally with time - but i've always felt an aversion to that. yet, with these feelings becoming more and more adhesive i still wait in some sort of limbo. it's like i need something to snap, a good old slap in the face 'get off your ass and actually do one of the many things that you've always wanted to do' before i am actually ready to do so. i guess the best way to express it is to say that i am stuck in a quicksand trap that is too weak to pull me completely under, yet just strong enough so that i can't pull myself out. it's frustrating at times. but i'm happy and all is well so what do i really have to complain about anyway? i am much more fortunate than many other millions of people in this world. and considering this, i feel rather guilty not actually doing more with the chances that i have. chances that i may very well be wasting, but then again am i? sometimes it's a lot greener on the other side, but then sometimes it might just be pink. who knows. maybe i'd like pink a lot more than i think i do.

a square plug

December 3, 2005

it's good to know people, so if you are ever wandering around the square because your car broke down and there's nothing else to do until AAA arrives, stop into one of these places and say hi.

Spoons Cafe - operated by ben and zak
a wonderful place to eat some fine bagged soup and sandwiches. my personal favorites include the turkey gouda w/ pesto, bbq pulled pork sandwich and the fall classic (turkey and cranberry sauce), although watch out because sometimes they're a little skimpy on the sauce. Ohhhh yeaaaa! and if you're lucky and walk in during the right time you might even be able to catch the employees play a impromptu game of basketball.

The Runcible Spoon - operated by kim bo and brie
looking for overpriced crap that no one with a sane mind would ever really like? welcome to the runce. i've spent some time browsing the array of items, and they actually do have some really nice kitchenware, if you feel like spending $150 for a spork. just whatever you do DON'T touch anything (i've heard that all the shelves are set up on a slant so that when you put that $500 vase back down, it might just slip off and brake. you know what they say...)

Wendy Brown Fine Linens - operated by joanna (and former katie)
i've actually only been in this place a few times to visit joanna. it makes me feel dizzy. it seems as they do sell some nice linens and things, and if i were a 65 year old woman with nothing better to do i'd definitely be in there buying a new napkin "cock" ring every day. i think the other day some rich bitch snarled at me when i tried to walk past her, then again maybe it's just the botox.

Bilodeau Property Management - operated by moi
looking for an apartment on the east side and don't want to spend anything over $700? well then, you've come to the wrong place - unless of course you don't mind living in a studio on camp street. we're a good company though, and the maintenance department is oh so very cheery, just don't ever call and complain and you might narrowly avoid the wrath of ted, our very own fire breathing polar bear. call now and ask about our specials.

eternal nutshine in spotted mind

November 30, 2005

i think i should start to go to a tanning salon once a week. maybe i can get a membership to a day spa so i can get my nails 4...um...did....urg, i mean done. did. bid. chid. fid. gid. grid. mid. quid. rid. skid. slid. squid. whid. amid. backslid. bifid. equid. eyelid. forbid. grandkid. madrid. nonskid. outdid. resid. (so on and so forth)."

remember the jetsons? all they had to do was push a button to get dressed, microwave a pill to eat a three-course meal and throw astro out on that treadmill thingy to walk him. talk about the good life."i was watching television earlier tonight and "rudolph the red nosed reindeer" was on. shit, i haven't seen that show in fo-eva. really brought me back, ya know, back to the days of being a spoiled little brat. really though, watching it again sent this little tingly sensation through my body. it made me really miss being a kid. what the hell has happened?!

active ingredients: octinoxate 7.5%, octisalate 5%, octocrylene 7%, oxybenzone 5%, white petrolatum 30%.warnings: keep out of eyes.

get out the phaser, it's a time warp

November 28, 2005

i've come to a lot realizations this past week after spending a few days in the berkshires. wednesday thru friday i basically went couch surfing, popping in on old friends and relatives. i also ran into people i'd completely forgotten about, people i didn't care to see and people i used to love. these encounters triggered a lot of memories and these two of many different realizations:1) i've been living in providence in this life of mine for so long now that I'd almost completely forgotten what my life was life before it. it is the strangest thing to, after so long, connect with people with whom you used to love and spend so much time. at first it was extremely overwhelming and then suddenly, even after merely three nights of being there, that part of my life started to reanimate and something clicked and, in a way, i felt whole again. but now that i am back here in providence i somehow feel kind of divided. maybe just disturbed. i think maybe i miss my life as it used to be. 2) nothing really phases me anymore. in high school i was never really that outgoing or personable (at least not outside the core of my friends) but i guess i've changed a little. not only was i happy to see almost every person I even remotely knew, but i hugged many of them. i wasn't afraid. i didn't care. it was fun to present myself to this world as the person i have become. perhaps i was even enjoying the act of finally being able to prove that i'm not the shy geek i used to be. i kind of felt like a movie star.in conclusion... there is no conclusion. life is funny. it changes, we change, we reflect and we move on. i guess i just wish we didn't always move on so quickly.

situation

November 23, 2005

Haveyoueverbeeninasituationwhichyouneverthoughtyou'dbein,butthereyouareandtrulyenjoyingitbutconfusedastohowyougotinsaidsituationinthefirstplaceandthenthesituationisover,whichisprobablyforthebetter,butyoujustcan'tseemtostopthinkingaboutthesituationandwonderingifyou'lleverhavethechancetobeinthesituationagain?Just wondering. p.s. happy thanksgiving to all!

friday night recap

November 21, 2005

drove with A. to pickup T. to go to wrens show at brown. got there too early, drank one at the liquid lounge and played pool (T. won). returned to the show and listened to pretty bad brown band and felt uncomfortable surrounded by a bunch of 19 year olds. wrens came on, played a great show, i lost some hearing in one ear standing too close to the speaker, and was dissapointed slightly about their setlist but was still awesome. dropped T. off at her house and drove to l.m. with A., order a drink pounded it down and drove to decatur to meet up with J. J. and L. to follow them to party on east side. got to the party but it had ended, standed in the street talking to people and decided to go to B-lite's apartment. A. L. and I went upstairs but it was a bit quiet. soon B. J. Z. and J. arrived and Z. passed around a bottle of wine. somehow found a bottle of whisky and things were good. almost left at a decent hour but J. came and coaxed us to stay. drank more whisky and J. showed up with beer. drank more, dance, talk, fun. finally tired, L. drove me home and went to bed at 4am. good night.

friends and babies

November 17, 2005

it seems as though we've reached that age. i never thought it would happen, but lo-and-behold, they're starting to pop right out without delay. a friend, my former roommate monica, emailed me yesterday from california with pictures of her newborn baby girl. this is a friend who within the past year and a half had moved to hawaii, met a guy, got married, had a kid and moved to california. she's a lovely looking baby, and i'm very happy for her and ryan, but what the hell is going on?! first oliver and now this bundle of joy...sure, not much now but i think it's going to be a landslide from here . i also recently, out of pure coincidence, ran into an old friend from the berkshires who i hadn't even talked to in 7 years. 7 years! and come to find out her brother, who i haven't seen in just as long, has been married for two years and has two kids. it's just insane to conceive the fact that this is actually happening. i don't know...it's a good thing. it's the next stage in life i guess, and i happy to be a part of my friend's children's lives. (r.a.- is that a proper usage of apostrophes?) and it's not as if i feel pressured to start having kids, which i'm not, but being apart of the lives of my friends and their children is begging to open my eye a little to the fact that i will most likely be there myself some day and my life will be completely different than it is today. that's just weird, frighteningly exciting, but weird. and on a related subject, because compliments are never said enough when due (thanks to t.z. for helping to remind me of this and its importance), so to m.h., if you're reading this: i have a lot of respect for you and s. to be able to juggle your lives and your jobs, being not only great parents to your awesome little o., but great friends to all of us. i think you guys are doing great.that's it.

assy

October 28, 2005

i think i made an ass of myself last night. yaw, well alright!

professionalism

October 27, 2005

Does writing shit like this actually mean I am a professional? It's amazing that someone like me has the power to write something like this and have it stand up in a court of law. What's wrong with this world!?!?

10/27/2005

It is by this agreement that the current deposit held on the account of $570, for_____address of premises_____, is held on behalf and will be refunded to former tenant, ______former tenant ___ , minus any unpaid rent. Current tenant, ______current tenant_____, has accepted the apartment “as is,” and accepts full responsibility for any prior damage or cleaning charges based on their personal inspection agreement. Furthermore, _____current tenant_____ has reinstated a security deposit amount of $570 to be held on the account, which will be refunded to him at the end of the lease as said in original lease contract.

Signed:

____________________________________

____________________________________

Witnessed:

____________________________________

real

October 27, 2005

it's crazy. everything has seemed so real. i've felt the weight of the rain beat down on me - one drop at a time, and the temperature of the sun upon my skin - each ray individually. the nights are darker and the days are brighter, even when it's cloudy. the sadness of a recent tragedy has, to my friends and myself, been emotionally crippling. these feelings come and go, heavy at times with tears and shudders, and then numbness. and yet with it all, a feeling of immense warmth on such a frigid day, a blanket enveloping us with love of friendship. seeing it from a distance as a relative outsider and yet also feeling it from within, having adopted this family, is unlike anything else i've ever experienced. everything has seemed so real because everything is so real. and despite the reason, i'm lucky to feel it. i am grateful to feel it with the people whom i care for - who care so immensely for one another. never should it not feel real again. never should i forget the weight of the rain and temperature of the sun. never will i forget these days now and the days to come, nor anyone.

the stoop

October 17, 2005

I was just sitting out on my stoop having a cigarette, the stoop that I'll surely miss being able to sit on when the winter weather hits, when a new shiny red bug rolls up. The driver, either having just been pinned her licence or just a terrible driver, attempts five times rolling back-and-forth back-and-forth, to parallel park alongside a curb with not a single other car near it. And before the car even comes to a complete stop the passenger door swings wildly open and my pothead downstairs neighbor stumbles out. Gripping a large mostly empty bottle in one hand, he attempts to walk behind the car to cross the street towards me. But wait hold on one moment! The chiquita in the car's not quiet finished parking yet, and she backs right into him. It was really only a tap, but just enough for him to stumble in his inebriated state, almost falling face first into the street. He stabilizes himself and continues to cross the street in my direction, which by this time I wish I had left so not to feel compelled to make small talk at his arrival. He stops on the stoop to wait for the girl (a girl I'd never seen before) who smiles sheepishly at me as she herself stumbles across the street. He and I exchange a few words about how nice the weather is and he makes a strange comment about the street being quiet tonight; no shootouts or anything. Yes, I say, yes that is nice. He heads up the stairs, she politely says hello and they go up. I wait a few minutes, having finished my cigarette minutes before and when I get up to my apartment (which is set directly above his) I hear this thumping pulse music. I begin to write this blog, look out the window not five minutes later and notice the shiny red bug is gone.Originally I was going to write this about how utterly mad it makes me to see people, who are completely shit faced to the point of not being able to walk straight, driving a car. I know it happens all the time. I know that my friends do it and I'm no exception, but there's something about seeing it from people who you just don't trust. But then it occurred to me why the car was already gone. My neighbor is a ho! And... he is also really quick.

hoots and hellmouth

October 9, 2005

Sunday, 8:45

It is the earliest I've been up on a Sunday since my church-going days (I think I was about 12). And why am I up so early this morning? -Well, I'll tell ya.I had some unexpected guests stop over last night, Hoots & Hellmouth, to sleep on my floor. Who's Hoots and Hellmouth? -Well I'll tell ya.They are an amazingly good bluegrass band hailing from West Chester PA (yeah right, where?) consisting of the following four [five] members: Hoots, Hellmouth, Sister Krista and the good Doctor Berliner [and a little friend called Jack]. These guys, who, all gussied up in flannel shirts and trousers, stomped and clapped their way through a great set comprised of two guitars, a mandolin, cello, washboard, other noise makin' instruments and wonderfully harmonized vocals. After their great show at the Growroom last night (with Peasant, Tom Thumb and some other dude - what the hell was his name?), I made an effort to fulfill their dancing desires and led them downtown through the pouring rain to a party that had expired. With no where else to go we ended up at Blakes for last call where Hellmouth kept spitting up beer and talking crazy while Sister Krista conditioned her abs. We got kicked out with togo cups, stood outside under the awning, wet, cold and drunk. I offered them a dry place to crash for the night, and the rest is history - four strangers snuggling up together in their underwear on my living room floor. How neat!And that's about it. They left back for West Chester at 8:20 this morning in their sopping wet flannel shirts and trousers, and I, well, am here. It was a good show and a good time. I highly recommend checking these guys out. Their myspace page is: http://www.myspace.com/hootshellmouth. Good people, good music and definitely worth a look. Hopefully these guys will come back to pvd sometime soon.

I'd Like to See How Cool

October 7, 2005

With having a little more idle time at work these days, staring blankly at the computer, after having exhausting internet options, I find my mind wandering in a time vortex. I typically have a terrible memory. It's tough sometimes remembering what happened last weekend (which I'm sure is largely contributed to numerous pabst and narrys), forget about remembering much of my childhood. [Shit, what was I saying?] Oh, and so every once and a while things from the past will just randomly pop in to my head, as like staring off at my desk today.It was the summer before sixth grade. I was young, full of life and looking forward to starting a new year in a new school building. I grew up in an underpopulated area where there was (at that time) one school everyone went to for 1st thru 5th, another for 6th, another for 7th and 8th, and then the high school building for the rest. Quite unnecessarily complicated, but interesting. Anyway, the excitement for moving to the new building was mostly because all the sixth graders from two different schools in the district were to merged together, so it was finally possible to meet and make friends with new "cool" people. I was not cool. In fact my idea for having fun up until about sixth grade was playing games like "secret agent man" and "swordsman," where the object was to, well, make believe I were those stereotypes and run around solving riddles and fighting bad guys. And believe it or not, my friends were way cooler than me. I had two best buds that year, Damian and Tim, both of which I had been very close with for two years. Come close to the end of the year, which I believe was a week or so before the semi-formal dance, I was standing in the playground talking with them. The conversation started with the dance and then escalated to Tim talking about how he 'liked' one of the girls in our class. Now, bare in mind that this was the age where simple little crushes on girls started to become infatuations and completely hormone driven. And yet, somehow, I just wasn't into it as much as the other guys. Just imagine me now, but little and dorkier. Got the picture? Yes, I was that little geek who preferred to look down at his shoes than flirt with a girl. And as it goes, I had no problem denouncing the dance in front of my friends that day.A couple days later during lunch I was called outside by my two friends, Damian and Tim, to have a 'discussion'. I should have figured it out, they had been excluding me from recess activities the past few weeks, but obviously I was oblivious. It came as something like this: T: So, D and I have been talking and... D: We've been talking and just don't think that we can hang out anymore. We just don't see this friendship working anymore.B: Are you saying you don\'t want to be friends anymore?T: It\'s not like that...D: Well, yes it is.It was my birthday a few weeks later. Needless to say no one came. Well actually that's another story altogether, perhaps one I'll get into some other time.SummeryFuck those bastards, I'd like to see how cool they are now! Assholes.

embarrassed

October 7, 2005

okay, so now I'm a little embarrassed about letting that beautifully tanned skeleton out of the closet. please don't hold it against me. so what's up for this weekend? p.s. rip t.c.

the o.c. (yes, i said it)

September 30, 2005

Ah yes, Orange County California. With all its beautiful beaches, rich and powerful denizens, constant warm climate and overall sex appeal, who wouldn't want to spend time there? Who wouldn't want to get a window of opportunity, even if it were merely 19 or 22 inches, to see what it would be like to live life in the o.c.? Who's down with O.C.C.? I, for one, have recently come to terms with the fact that I actually like this show. I've been watching it fairly religiously since the middle of last season. Ashamed, I have felt. Nervous someone would find out what I had been doing each Thursday at 8:00 / 7:00 central throughout the winter, I was. It was a guilty pleasure I have been very content in keeping to myself, but things have changed. I suppose I could have continued watching it safely from within my closet (as I usually have the sense to turn my phone off when I'm trying to be stealth), but decided that I needed to embrace its excellence and celebrate it with others who enjoy it. A show like this only comes along every 5-8 years, so damn it I will indulge myself. I mean come on, how else can you live vicariously through sexy, rich (but down to earth) elite socialites in southern california, huh, huh? For the first time last night I, along with two friends, watched the o.c. away from the solitary confines of my apartment. It was a strange experience, having what was once a guilty pleasure morph into something acceptable to talk about with others who also enjoy it. To relate, this is a concept that most men can truly understand concerning the coming of age. It's not much different really. Although it allows you to feel more normal because you can openly discuss with your friends, while for some men - openly watch (eww, n.h.), it takes away some of the initial excitement. But enough about that already. The point is that I enjoy it. The show that is...and well, yes, the other thing too. As a straight male, I urge anyone out there who has some kind of aversion towards the show to give it a chance. "It's cool to pee your pants." It's not going to teach you any real usable values, it's not going to make you cool and it's not going to save your or anyone else's life. But it is very a compelling drama that will probably make you go blind. (You know what they say after all.)

two thoughts, two deaths too many

September 25, 2005

I do not particularly feel like writing today. There are a few different topics on my mind that I would like to write about, but somehow I do not have the energy, the will power or the care. And yet today I do write despite of how drained and useless, to both myself and to the world, I feel. It is often I wonder how much longer it will take to wake from this 26 year slumber and realize what it is I must do to feel accomplished. To realize all the fleeting thoughts and desires, to see them as delusions or truths, as to take a step closer to the fountain that will ease my existence. It is not that I am in pain. I am not anguished by much of anything, anything that is beyond myself. I, alone, have the ability to produce any such ease, but still after so long, I've come only so far. It is still beyond any sight of mine. And truthfully there are days in which I'm just not sure if I am walking for anything. Maybe I should be walking in a different direction? Perhaps I should just stop. But really, the one thing that gets me the most is knowing that these metaphors are simply as hollow as the thoughts themselves.Two young men died this week. One, a healthy and vibrant 22 year old college student who, embracing the fruits of his adolescent life, falls to his death, ending it all abruptly. The other, a handicapped 20 year old kid who, having spent the entirety of his life injected with medicines so to keep the tumor on his brain stem from swelling, dies of heart failure, ending it all before it even began. Both sad and tragic. Yet for which one do I feel more remorse? It is sickening to even think that one death might be worthy of more remorse. But what is remorse worth? Is it a message that tells us that if we are not careful we too could die? Is it to prepare us for more sadness in life yet to come? Remorse and sadness are some of the only few things that actually allow me to pause and see hidden shadows that lurk in the world that normally go unnoticed. Its pain gives me the slightest glimmer of an indescribable hope, a light though the cracks a closed door. Why is that, and why cannot love bring me the same type of hope as I see with death? Perhaps it would, perhaps it has. But it has been a long time since I've had the fortunate chance to see it. And even when I had the chance in the few fleeting moments of truth, the love was deceived and therefore spoiled. It always is with love. Perhaps not constantly, but it does seem true that there is much more honesty in death then there is in the most lovingly healthy life. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's all just me.

i am the seuss

September 14, 2005

Inigo the amigo bought an illegal seagull named Tiligo.

Tiligo the seagull ate a regal beagle which upset Inigo.

When the beagle died, Tiligo cried, and then the seagull ate Inigo.

cock basting...urm...I mean cake baking.

September 12, 2005

I realized tonight that I can't do much of anything in the kitchen. I barely cook for myself, in fact the two real dishes I've had any success with are my spinach lasagna rolls (which I think I brought over to one of Kim and Dave's dinners last winter) and this strange concoction stir fry consisted of chirico sausage, fried rice, jerk sauce and thinly sliced fried potatoes. I made this for someone once too, years ago, and quite possible poisoned them with it's delectable taste. I'm sure any enjoyment they actually experienced from the meal was the joy of talking about how disgusting it was to co-workers the next day around the water cooler. Whatever, I could care less. For the time being while I'm single I might as take advantage of making the easy shit that I know I like and will fill me up. Which reminds me, I best stock back up on refrieds again, before my digestive immunity starts failing me. I guess now you'll know why you might not see me the next time you all go out to the bar, and it wont be because I'm shopping for the beans...So anyway, I somehow felt compelled to volunteer making a cake for my friend Mike's birthday tomorrow. He mad me a very scrumptious cake for my birthday back in June, and perhaps I felt somewhat compelled to return the favor. But what the fuck, I can't make a cake for christ's sake. I once made cookies from a ready-made pouch that turned out pretty fucking awesome, but a cake? Even if this works and it has any resemblance to a cake, I'm going to be stressing all night, dreading the first fork-to-mouth followed by an infectious cake-to-floor-fork-in-my-eye. Oh shit, hold on. It's in the oven right now and I better check on it. Okay, looking good so far. Besides the fact that I do not have any proper cooking instruments, a baking pan two sizes too small, and with nothing but a fork to beat the mix, I decided I was going to be a little more elaborate and make it a strawberry-cream cheese layer cake. Somehow I plan to remove the cake from the pan after it has set, cut it in half horizontally, spread a layer of strawberry glaze in the middle and then frost it with fresh strawberries. Great idea perhaps, sounds tasty to me, but how the hell am I going to do this without completely destroying the damn thing? I need to check it again, time has elapsed so it should be done.Hmm, it has been in the oven for the time required by the back of the box but the knife came out sopping with cake mixture. (Yes that is correct. I can't even bake a cake that simply requires 3 eggs, vegetable oil and water.) For all of you who plan on being at Mike's tomorrow, I suggest that caution is considered upon trying this delicacy. I make no promises whatsoever that you will not die. And with said, I best prepare for a plan B just in case. Regardless of what happens, I will complete this task even if does suck, and whether or not I die trying. And as closing thought for all of you who got excited reading the first two words of this title, just imagine some old hag basting a giant cock in the oven, late at night in a dark cottage in the middle of the woods. Something out of a twisted fairy tale perhaps? Hey that goblin cock looks pretty meaty.

demise at safari (and in response to Kyle)

September 12, 2005

I too have just returned home from the safari closing show, and after having read what Kyle had written, instead of leaving a comment, I have decided to write on a similar topic. Unlike Kyle I have not seen visions, but looking upon the crowd at the safari tonight left me with a similar feeling of human demise. Perhaps it is because these people, who's dank salty bodies surrounded me, have become so recognizable over these past five years, even those who are just faces in the background, that I've actually been witness to their aging. And this is easier to see when it is those people who I only see in a setting such as safari. At shows, prepped as much as socially needed for the seedy venue, wearing the same expressions, the same tattoos and for many of them, the same clothes. In reverse I suppose they could say the same about me. And I know I have changed over these years, aged is a way only others could begin to explain. It's funny that I don't feel older in as many ways as I should. I know that I have grown up, but feeling age isn't supposed to be something you feel until you start losing your hair, teeth and the sharp pain in your lower back that is associated with an aliment other than passing out drunk on the asphalt. Somehow I mentally feel younger now than I did when I was 20. I thought I knew a lot about life, love and the pursuit of happiness back then, now I know I really knew nothing at all. Anyway I guess the point of this is that regardless of how young and vibrent you feel, at any given moment it'll hit. The realization sets in that mortality is simply a device generated by your mind to live and do the things that you want to do (guided by moral and ethical consciousness, which help decide which of those things are actually worth doing). But somewhere along the line, as with any mechanism, the device faulters and the truth pours in like a stream of light through a pinhole camera; burning the real picture that our jubilance is nearing an end. This has not yet set in for me, but for others it has. And as long as there is a pinhole, there is really no way from stopping the light without covering it. But even with that you'll eventually get burned. I guess that explains why some 44 year old men (and women most likely) still act like they're 14 by whipping their dicks around at people (not the same for women however). Perhaps they were totally terrified at what they saw burned on their film. Or maybe, just maybe they haven't got a god damn clue in the world. Either way we're all aging every day and we will all die. It's just real freaky when you can see it all unfolding, and the vision becomes clear. Especially at a place like the safari.

da bass?

September 11, 2005

Did you know you can post a picture on myspace to have it rated!?! Weird. I might just try it...I was going to write on a full topic, but now I'm too tired. How 'bout that crazy show last night, eh? Seems like everyone was 'making out' for a good time, especially our boy Alfredo. Joe, why was I buying you beer all night? I forget. Oh well, too bad them dancers didn't want to grove it with us. Maybe if da bass was pumping a little louder in da car? Better luck next time perhaps

tipping

September 9, 2005

Cow tipping. What a ridiculous thing to do. I have never personally involved myself in any such activity, nor do I condone it. I think it is rather degrading to both man and animal alike. Think about the poor cows man! It's sad enough that those poor retards have brains the size of grapes and find their only enjoyment in grazing grass and predicting the rain. Then along comes Billy Ray and Jonny Boy, two local hick assholes, both wearing flannel shirts, timberland boots and Dallas Cowboy hats. They hop the fence with bb guns slung over their shoulders (to shoot some chickens later on, no doubt) and proceed to tip over cows. Tip over cows? Is there really any fun in this? Do they at least make a noise? Moo? Anything? Is there anyone out there with experience who can enlighten me on the subject? How can anyone in their right mind feel good aboutfucking with such a poor, ill-fated creature. And to top it off, after Billy Ray and Jonny Boy have a good belly-achin' laugh over the fact thebehemoth can't get back up (although you'd think maybe it has just given up and wants to die beforesuffer the humiliation of laying in its own manure), the very next day the poor thing's gonna get marched off to the slaughter house to be ground up into patties for the boys’ salivatory satisfaction. What a way to live. How sad. How sad.
Interesting enough there is an entire website devoted to cow tipping featuring, Cud-Elvis the cow. Now I know what you’re thinking, but don’t get too excited because this site has mostly broken links, but apparently some genius wrote a song about cow tipping. Maybe I can get the timid citizens to perform it someday.
cow tipping, it's such a treat! oh babycow tipping, it can't be beat! oh babycow tipping, cow tipping every day!

Name: H. Hopkins

Location: Providence, Rhode Island, United States

I am a normal anomaly in a world of confusion, a quiet discourse in a life of noise and the reality of a make believe philosopical superbeing. I strive to find sense, yet I thrive on chaos.

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