the mail
February 1, 2006i'm generally rather reluctant to check my mailbox because all i ever get are bills, bills, fucking bills...and high interest credit card applications. but knowing that i hadn't checked it in a few days i knew emptying it was due. plus, it's bill payment week, so i got to start getting on that shit. anyhoo, to my delight i found, waiting for me, two of the greatest things i've ever been shipped (besides the free carton of american spirits i once ordered).
the first item was the most noticeable in its cardboard packaging, a free full-sized gillette fusion razor. and was still in its original packaging. can you believe that? i really don't know what i did to deserve such a wonderful free gift, or what mailing list i've gotten myself on, but whatever i did - keep on sending me the free shit!
okay on to the second item, which took me a little longer to realize what a gem i was holding until i tore open the nondescript envelope revealing a letter from god! well actually it was a letter from saint matthew's church in tulsa oklahoma, but close enough. but the object in this letter is what blew me away. the letter read, among other things, in big bold letters, "GOD'S HOLY BLESSING POWER IS IN THE ENCLOSED ANOINTED PRAYER RUG WE AER LOANING YOU TO USE!!!" yes, that is right. god sent me a magic carpet! well actually it's a 12 x 20 inch piece of paper with jesus's face printed on some oriental rug looking background. supposedly i'm to kneel on it and pray, and then send it back to the church so they can send to someone else who would do the same, so on and so forth until my prayers and everyone else's prayers grow strong enough to reach god and then we will be "blessed spiritually, physically and financially," so on and so forth. amazing.
it's really too bad that i don't have much use for either of these items. well actually, no it's not. i guess it just amazes me how funny life is sometimes. no matter how much is going on in the world, even within human beings themselves, receiving items like these seem to distract us. maybe not on purpose, but we're drawn back to this artificial world that somehow seems to live a longer life than anything else. and there's so much more to it that that, but i'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it at the moment so i'll stop right there.
so regarding these items i received in the mail today, i am quite happy to take them simply as they are: free shit i didn't ask for that will eventually find a home in the trash.
word.
posted by H. Hopkins @ 9:58 AM
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